When I was young, between 14 and 17, I started to look at girls either the ones at school or neighborhood with different eyes, you know what I mean. I used to look at all those girls as good friends.
Sometimes they invited me to go with them somewhere and sometimes we were alone in some places were we could have kiss or touch or… you know. However, I was so shy or innocent that I never thought of doing something like that.
When I was around 15 I was a little tired to be like that and started to think about flirting or kissing every girl I could but my shyness was stronger than my desire to be with a girl. I didn’t know what to do. I started to look for older friends for advice. I asked them what I could talk to girls about because I had no idea. The common answer was: “Just talk about anything…” As you can imagine that didn’t help me a lot because I thought “how can I talk to a girl about soccer or basket ball if I don’t know if they like it?” Yes, I could ask first if they like it first but how could I bring that to conversation? Even worse, how could I start a conversation?
I was so desperate that I even get to point where I used to write down conversations and practice Q&A’s so that I could be ready when she asked or answer something.
I thought that I would never be able to talk to a girl unless she was the one who direct the conversation. But something happened. I’m not sure if what happened was the solution for my problem but I’m 98% sure that it was, at least for me.
What was that event that changed the way I acted around girls? They were two things actually but the first one was:
The discovering of masturbation!
Don’t laugh, it’s true! You see, when I started do it I liked it so much that I used to do it several times a day, I even remember when in one day I was doing it every 5 – 10 minutes. Well, after a few weeks of my “discovering” I noticed that my conversations with friends were a little bit more mature every time. I started to talk about things that I used to be ashamed of, like our private parts and sex of course.
In short, I think my “discovery” made me feel more mature around girls which helped me feel more comfortable around them and eventually I got more courage to start little conversations and with the time I was able to start direct and even end some conversations with many girls.
The other thing that I thing I think helped me a lot was an incident that occurred around the same age.
One day my father asked me to do something. I went to the place I was supposed to go and I did what I was supposed to do but when I came back I gave him the wrong information. It’s a long story but the fact is that I lied to my father because I wanted him to get mad at somebody that I didn’t like. Well, he discovered that I lied to him and he told me that he would never trust me again. That hurts so much that I thought there will never be anything worse than that. So, when I was scared about talking to a girl, I just thought: “what can happen that could be worse than losing your father’s trust?” That thought gave me the courage I needed to approach any girl without fear.
I don’t recommend my first “discovery” because I think that it only applies to my particular situation where I used to be very introverted.
My best advice is to follow my second discovery and when you are scared when you want to approach that beautiful girl, think about something really bad that happened to you and compare it to the rejection from a girl. Now, if you haven’t experienced bad situations just think what’s the worse that can happen? Is she going to hit you? Is she going to sue you? Are you going to die? I don’t think so. So why don’t you just go and try you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.